Passion

"...because I said so..." 

 "...god says so..."

"...it just fits..."

"...it's 'right'..."



"...because I love it..."



Passion: it doesn't have to be logical, it doesn't have to be 'right', it doesn't have to make sense...It just has to be, YOU.

visual of perfection

Average internal conversation:  

Eat better, work out more - you are getting fatter and unattractive.





...then suddenly the mind flips...


No, you do look attractive...not perfect, but handsome...you are being more unattractive by being so insecure...

Ah, you know the conversation well too? 

 

 

...it just makes me feel squirmy...

A few months ago my mother, who has been through a lot when it comes to coming to grips with having a gay son, finally hit the nail on the head, so to say. "I love you, Kyle, you are my baby...I love you, Robbie, you are a sweet boy and I am so happy that the two of you have each other...i don't know...it just makes me feel squirmy..."

I love my mother! And I am proud of her for challenging her previous feelings about gay people, couples, etc.

I think for most people, my mother has it figured out. The issue most have with gay couples and people is NOT a true belief in it being wrong or a moral objectivity against it, rather it is a belief based upon a feeling towards something not perceived as "normal". It makes people squirmy - they simply aren't use to it.

It's entertaining to see different person's reactions when Robbie and I walk down the street together. Some feel an urge to honk, yell out car windows, taunt from sidewalks, and so on.

A while ago I was walking downtown and was hit by a passing biker who yelled "Die you fucking faggot!!!"
And then once and a while you run into a person willing to say, "You two are SO adorable" or "What a cute couple!"

Robbie is taunted at the mall, now and again, and it drives me nuts! I hate hearing that my love is being made fun of for simply existing! It's absolutely frustrating!

Some days it all makes me disappointed and strongly pained when looking at the world. I want to fix it and make everyone's lives easier. And then you see the Palestinians asking to simply be recognized as a people group who deserve a home; asking to be allowed back into their lost farms - businesses. And the world says that they may not have a home - they have not earned a home.

How is it that we as humans can separate ourselves from the rest of the world and allow our feelings control what we allow and don't allow as 'right' and 'good'. Can we not let each person exist with certain rights that allow for freedom to live and love?

I am thankful that there are people, such as my mother, who are willing to take a look at their beliefs and feelings and attempt to understand why they believe what they believe. Is it simply an unusual idea? An idea that simply must become more familiar? Is normalcy creating truth?







May we all live showing acceptance to all persons - seeking to understand different lifestyles, different perspectives, different pains and pasts - and work together to form a more perfect fellowship in existence.

Fall, I think I'm ready for you...

Up until yesterday, I was rather certain that I was going to futilely fight fall. But last night, sipping through a collection of tasty white wines, I began to experience the earthiness of the wine more intensley. This may have been specifically directed by one particular wine (3 Brooms, 2010 Sauv. Blanc) with an aroma and palette of jalapeno, fresh green bean, and minerals.

As I was rolling the earthy and spicy Sauv around, Robbie
and I were discussing the coming of fall. Summer has been such an
unbelievable pleasant few months that I simply did not want to let it go already. He mentioned that he is absolutely ready for the change (which shocked me!). And perhaps it was also based on his possitive spirits, but as we began to talk about fall - its homely warmth and coziness - I quickly realized how much I will enjoy the change.

To celebrate, I got up around 8:30 this morning to make tea and begin looking through fall recipes. Oh my goodness, how I cannot wait to begin cooking and baking more frequently! A season where the heat in the kitchen comes as a welcome treat instead of a bothering pest, haha.

Fresh apples, doughnuts and cider, thick and creamy risotto, braised lamb and pork, roasted root vegetables, gnocchi, and on and on it goes. OH! How can i leave out the most important thing for Ma, Robbie, and my dear Hannah!? Chocolate Cake!

As I finish off my cup of chamomile, I realize that fall will be "simply grand." ArtPrize is around the corner, tons of new theatrical opportunities, the symphony, cooking, friends and family. I guess it was just a matter of perspective. Simply being reminded of the homely and loving warmth that so strongly permeates the cool weather has moved me!

May we all be reminded of familial warmth as the weather gets cooler;
may we know the love and affections of those in our lives;
and may we seek new perspective
which enjoys change and allows love to permeate all existence!

 

 

 

It's okay

There are days in relationships...

that even though you are together...you feel alone. 

Maybe it's busy schedules not allowing for couples 

to be together much. 

Maybe it's a fight or children or pets or stress.  

Maybe there is nothing wrong at all 

                                                            

                                                                   and yet there is a feeling 

                                                                                                        


                      of being 

alone. 

Paranormality

Okay, so ‘paranormality’ isn’t actually a word, it’s true. But I'm going to use it anyway. After some powerful stories and moments shared, I’ve been reflecting on what is normally driven as “truth” according to normality especially when it comes to paranormal or supernatural activity.
Last week, a group of us sat together sharing haunting stories of peculiar happenings (drawers opening, deadbolts locking, pictures in frames and pieces of paper gliding across floors, minor possession, and cd’s being paused, to name a few) and a few days later I found myself touring around the rather frightening grounds of an abandoned ‘mental hospital.’
After everything we had heard and witnessed, Robbie and I began discussing what it all was and what we believed. For us, what it really came down to was: “I cannot argue with physical evidence, I can only analyze perspectives on evidence; I cannot argue with experience, I can only assist with reactions to experience. I must respect that which I do not know.” A person will either ignore that crazy stuff can happen and disagree with some sort of force or realm beyond what the average person sees and experiences or a person will believe that it is true and allow for “something else”.

Christians can allow for the supernatural because of the mystical world of god, angels, demons, saints, and the ‘great cloud of witnesses.’ Those who believe in reincarnation have room for the supernatural in the spirits of those not yet returning in a form of whatever/whomever else (pardon if I am misunderstanding here). One who does not believe in god may still allow the supernatural because the natural world offers no answers and yet the physical proofs are obvious and undeniable.
And yet, despite all of this, individuals deny, ignore, and passionately fight against the idea that there may be some mischievous spirits/energies in our midst. Perhaps it is out of fear – a lack of control – or perhaps it’s just because certain individuals are not ‘in tune’ or simply have not experienced something. It again makes me sad that on another topic; there are those who are choosing to ignore and fight experience because of past beliefs and presuppositions. Can we not move beyond our pride, our current beliefs, our cultural tendencies, and allow for something else to exist? Even if – have mercy – we don’t actually know what the answer is? I’m not arguing for the existence of a supreme deity and I am not arguing for the existence of heaven, hell, or shaol. I am simply urging for open minds.

May we live experiencing everything that we witness in each day: allowing things to exist as they are even if we don’t understand them, listening to stories from lives around us, feeling with the hearts of those beating near us, and searching – always searching – to learn and grow in human goodness.

Anticipation

This summer is proving to be a season of enjoying friendship, beautiful sunny days with warm water, delectable food, creative inspirations, and blossoming love. And on top of it, an anticipation for the good things that are to come.
In a matter of a few weeks, Robbie (my sweetheart) and I will be journeying to northern Michigan. This past spring we ventured to the wine regions in Traverse City. Absolutely wonderful! He has not been north of there, so we shall journey to the Upper Peninsula, Mackinaw Island, Harbor Springs, Petoskey, and everywhere in between. Pictures will be posted, I promise that! On the journey we get to meet up with good friends Karin, Deb, Jessica, and Matthew.

Then come auditions for Spring Awakening and Next Fall both being produced by Actor’s Theatre. I simply cannot WAIT!

In the meantime, this weekend holds what promises to be an outstanding Arabic meal. Speaking of Arabic food…I’m still waiting on some dried mint from my Palestinian friend. He and his wife collected numerous bags FULL of beautiful mint from their garden.

Mint is interesting. I absolutely hated it until only a few years ago. The sharpness and intensity of it terrified me. Then, as I was working in my old Chef’s home herb garden and was taking in all the smells, textures, and tastes of each herb, my experience changed. Suddenly the earthiness and yet brightness of the mint astounded me. It had the ability to open and heighten my senses – similar to the effects of cilantro – but with a rougher dirtier taste. I fell in love with it! Add a little to salad with some lemon juice, or a sprig garnishing a fresh raspberry sorbetto or mixed-berry salad, or steep for tea…it’s an outstanding little weed! Haha. Yes, a weed. It grows everywhere! (Trust me, I have a patch willing to happily exist in my alley). I’m glad I got my hands in the dirt and explored the little bugger again. Seems to be what happens when we set aside previous notions and are willing to more fully explore something!

I guess that’s the way I see most things…if we aren’t willing to delve wholly into something, be it a concept, presupposition, person, food, or location, how are we to know what it is like? I guess I’ve been thinking about this idea a lot lately with different people. Why do some approach relationships with this idea that we must retain some of ourselves from each other and save it in case the other person isn’t what we anticipate or hope for? And I do not just mean physically. I'm mainly talking emotionally. How can one know if the relationship will survive unless you are completely involved and invested? To be honest, open, vulnerable and scared! Sure, there are warning signs that should be obvious and relationships that simply are not wise. But if we are anticipating it to be a long term relationship, we should fully exist with each other. I’m so happy that Robbie and I do this! I simply cannot imagine being partnered otherwise.

May we all move forward in life with anticipation for what is to come while completely existing where and as we are!